Mental Health

I am OK not as mentally unstable as I was before.
No essence of committing suicide anymore I am content.
Feel as if I know people who would miss me if I disappeared.
I enjoy my time alone more and can cope better.

I miss having a cat there is a space that only having a pet can close. I need a cat because I love them as animals. I also remember what it was like to come home to a cat rather than an empty house. That depresses me more than anything in the world.

College is OK but all of the people I know are female. This is driving me slowly crazy. I don’t need to know about period pain or how someone has changed there hair. Silly conversations are gone. I am going insane at college due to lack of blokes to talk to. The games club makes up for it but I am at college more than I am at the games club. Girly conversations drive me crazy. If I here “my god he is sooo fit/cute” one more time I will kill everyone in the college.

Anyway ciao for now

Quick up date

Since I have been back at college I have not posted much on this site mainly due to a lack of time and internet connection. I used to post about three things a week during the holls. This is due to an increase in time to write new posts.
I enjoy having a place to rant and at the moment not much is happening but this is a post to help keep you up to date with what is going on in the crazy world of the McConnell.

I now have a simple weekend job at the community centre £5 an hour.
I am back at college.
My parents (mam) is looking for another cat.
Have not spoken to Chris in a while.
Have not seen Matty for a while.
Have not spent any money on gaming in about 3 weeks (I entered a draft).
Had one phone call from Dave since he left (seems happy) .
Saving up to get a skateboard as a mode of transport (not very good but practice makes perfect).
Met loads of new people at college since going back.
Told my parents I want to leave home (not received very well).
Re-applying to UCAS for university.
Losing even more weight (slower than during holidays due to rich diet of shite again).
Starting to get bored with gaming (might get rid of most gear and limit myself to a mall draw of gear.
Selling My PS2 (wont get much but I need the cash and also the space).
Teaching myself how to program in visual basic.
Become happier and more confident.
Tried Falconry (sweet hobby to take up but expensive).

I have acttualy done more in the three weeks I have been back at college than in the 3 months at home.
I will post more now that I have had chance to settle down

I Have Become

Beatnik
a person who rejects the mores of established society (as by dressing and behaving unconventionally) and indulges in exotic philosophizing and self-expression

I have become a break form the norm
I cannot stand the fact that most people become something (emo,Skater) as soon as they listen to a certain type of music or dress in a certain way.
This is why I had a realy good think about where I fit in scoiety as I to was quick to judge others.
After a long think I have decided that I am a bohemian Beatnik.

1 a : a native or inhabitant of Bohemia b : the group of Czech dialects used in Bohemia 2 often not capitalized a : Vagabond, wanderer; especially : Gypsy b : a person (as a writer or an artist) living an unconventional life usually in a colony with others- bohemian adjective, often capitalized

The Chav Jokes

My Auntie sent me these jokes and I think that they are great

1. What do you call a Chav in a box?

Innit.

2. What do you call a Chav in a filing cabinet?

Sorted

3. What do you call a Chav in a box with a lock on it?

Safe.

4. What do you call an Eskimo Chav?

Innuinnit.

5. Why are Chavs like slinkies?

They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of stairs.

6. What do you call a Chavette in a white tracksuit?

The bride.

7. You're in your car and you see a Chav on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?

It might be your bike.

8. What's the difference between a Chav and a coconut?

One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

9. What's the first question at a Chav quiz night?

What you lookin' at?"

10. How do you get 100 Chavs into a phone box?

Paint three stripes on it.

11. Two Chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving?

The police

12. What do you call a chav with 9 GCSE's?

A liar.

13. What do you say to a chav with a job?

Can I have a big mac please

14. What do you say to a chav in a suit?

Will the defendant please stand

15. What do u call a knife in chav-ville?

Exhibit A

16. Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a Nova a shame?

A Nova seats 4

17. What do you call a 30 year old chavette?

Granny.

18. How many chavs does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, they'll screw anything.

19. What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river?

A start.

20. How many chavs does it take to clean a floor?

None, "That's some uvver bleeders job innit."

21. Why did the chav take a shower?

He didn't mean to, he just forgot to close the Nova's window in the car wash

22. Why did the Chav cross the road?

To start a fight with a random stranger for no reason whatsoever.

23. What do you call a Chav at college?

The cleaner.

24. A bus full of Chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one Chav asked the blonde employee, "Before we order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?" The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."

25. Two chavs jump off beachy head, who wins?

Society

You Like?

Well thats all I have so no more but I thought they were very funny

JAZZ (nice amarable)

I have found that I have a taste for the Jazz. Not the modern crap incidental jazz but the good and soulful slow jazz. I have only found out in the past few months. A good example of the type of jazz is that of Woody Allen films and also Lois Armstrong.

I now have about 960 tracks on my MP3 player. About 2.4 days worth of continuous music. I worked it out that my MP3 player has a 20GB hard drive and can store about 10 days of continuous music. Sweet.
As my taste in music evolves the basics still stay the same Karmic music is the best. What music is good for the soul is good for me.

I have decided that I will no longer say that some music is bad (Rooster, McFly, Nickleback, Busted). I know in my heart that it is shite I don’t need to tell other people it. This is how I have decided to stay neutral in the future. I hope that I can do it for some peoples sake.

I don’t care anymore about what people think of my music collection it si an eclectic mix of modern and old with a gentle sub theme of rock and male vocals. I cannot stand nasal female voices anymore. This is due to amel singers being able to carry off out of tune singing better. Justin Hawkins is a good example of this. His voice is high, he cannot hit some of the high notes but he pulls it off (well I think).
Here a few bands that I recommend that you try out at the moment

Electric Six Senior Smoke
Very good album. Loads of fun and very funny especially the lyrics to “Be My Dark Angel”

Gorillaz Dare
A good mix of styles. Watch out for monkey sub theme. Loads of good rap for once. Cannot see them live though which is a real shame. Fire coming out of a monkeys Head is amazing for base lovers.

Moby Hotel
Wonderful. He singing is not bad. Less Techno but more beautiful. Good to listen to in surround sound.

Coldplay X & Y
A good strong album. Better than the other two. More mellow but more relaxing and better to dance to.

Prodigy Always outnumbered never outgunned
Good strong techno. What more can I say but not there best but very good otherwise.

Massive Attack
Nobody can not find one track which they don’t like. I prefer Inertia Creeps. Also a song which has about 3 pages of lyrics is I against I featuring Mos Def. You will have some of there work like Teardrop or some of the music in The Matrix as they were also done by Massive Attack.

Happy Listening
The Man, The Musician, The Listener to Music
Borbon

The Clicking

This is all to do with my bones. For the past 3 years my bones have started to click quite badly. I though it was lack of calcium so I started to drink more milk. I also started to eat more salads. All that happened was that I lost weight. Not a bad thing but not the effect that I wanted.

Recently I have had neck problems . It aches more and more and clicks really badly. I eventually got sick and went to the doctors.

She told me that I needed to exercise my upper torso more. Do exercise, maybe go to the gym or swim.
That is all she said (She was really old Aahhhhh but nice about it and gave me some pills for my hay fever)
Hey no shit Sherlock. I could have told you that I need more exercise. Not saying that she was nasty about it she said that if I built up the muscle it would not ache as much. Upper body exercise yeah real easy.
I have chosen to go swimming about 3 times a week.

In a week or so I will be in centre parks. They have the biggest pool there. It will be a good way to start the exercise. I also hope to try my hand at some fun activities. Falconry being one of them (£14). I also want to go to the jazz night. So a good holiday to start a diet good eh and a healthy exercise regime.

How much of a Geek am I

I am a geek. I know this and I admit that I am a geek (not a nerd). I am a gaming geek adnn a man of the comic book. At the moment I have:
Magic the gathering Cards
A simple 10 year old card game
Pokemon cards
I only have one kick ass deck (for a proper game)
Warhammer 40K cards
A simple but good game only one deck
Tomb Raider cards
Got the cards cheap so I started to play. Its not too bad ended up with 4 decks. Fucking complex though
Vampire The Masquerade Cards
Just started. Havent paid for any cards and I don’t intend to as I am skint.
Hero Clix
A fun simple figures game
Dungeons and Dragons rulebooks
We used to play lots but now not so much. Useful and fun RPG
And a few comics (Atomika and a Batman book)
For reading purpose one Russian and the other special edition

This is the extent of geekdom. I am now a more complex person and as I have grown I have found that they give me less and less pleasure. I will probably quit soon but I have no idea when.
I could get about £300 for my magic collection. Only about £100 for the rest. Not bad eh for 7 years work at £2 a week.
This was the main reason for me failing my exams so not good to continue with as much gaming as I was doing. That would defeat the object of me going back.

The end of a holiday for the soul

In the end it has turned out that I have to back to college for one year. This has meant that the past two or so months have just been a very long summer holiday for the relaxation of the soul.

I have found the balance in my life and I am happy for once in the past year. I have found that a growing depression has been brought into my life very slowly and only now that it has been lifted do I feel so much better. I can now focus on my goals and have found that I still want the same things . Love life and teaching.
On Wednesday when I go back to college I have a new aim. To do well and not to mess about as much and put in more effort. Over the past few years I have found that I never wanted to find my potential. I now want to.

A great man (Dylan Moran) said that you should never embrace your potential. For all you know it could be a palatial mansion with window draped with mullions whatever a mullion is. With wonderfully beautiful people beings served wine by clouds. But it is more likely to be a small flat with a bed with no mattress and a grey cat that smokes sat on it mewing.

I have personally decided to redecorate and change mine from what it was into a swan. I want to open the door and refurbish it into my ideal home.

I have found that inner peace the yin and yang of life.